"Dad, I can't fall asleep," said Jenny. "Will you tell me one more bedtime story pretty please?"
"Okay, okay," said Mr. Smith. "I will tell you one more story if you promise to go to bed after."
"I promise!" exclaimed Jenny.
Mr. Smith tucked his daughter into her bed, scanned his brain for ideas and began:
A long long time ago, there once lived a girl named Susanna. Susanna was her full name, but everyone in the tiny town of Bloomingville called her "Susie" for short.
"Okay, okay," said Mr. Smith. "I will tell you one more story if you promise to go to bed after."
"I promise!" exclaimed Jenny.
Mr. Smith tucked his daughter into her bed, scanned his brain for ideas and began:
A long long time ago, there once lived a girl named Susanna. Susanna was her full name, but everyone in the tiny town of Bloomingville called her "Susie" for short.
Susie had long, beautiful brown hair and piercing blue eyes. She was always dressed in elegant, colorful dresses and the finest gold jewelry. All of the boys in the tiny town drooled over her when she walked by. They were all secretly jealous of the man she was married to, who happened to be the king.
Although Susie appeared fancy and unapproachable, she was actually a very gentle individual. Susie's favorite hobby in the whole world was to surround herself in nature. Every day, Susie would take a walk through her secret garden and sing lovely melodies with the birds. In her secret garden, Susie loved to escape reality by planting wild flowers, swimming with the pond fish and riding horses through the lush oak trees. Susie loved her garden and took extremely good care of it.
One day, Susie decided to wake up early to watch the sunrise. Still dressed in her nightgown, Susie got out of bed and headed straight towards her favorite stone path in the garden. While Susie was waiting for the beautiful colors of red and orange to light the sky, she heard a strange noise in the near distance.
Thinking it could have been an injured animal, she got up and went searching for the unfamiliar noise. At first, Susie could not see anything in the distance. As she got closer, she could sense that something was wrong and felt the urge to turn back.
Before she could even think twice, two massive wolves jumped on the path right in front of her. The wolves looked Susie straight in the eyes and immediately starting running towards her at full speed! In order to save herself, Susie tried to run away as fast as she could. She was running barefoot on uneven, sharp rocks and jumping over small vines that might cause her to trip and fall. Needless to say, the two wolves were getting closer and closer and Susie was running out of time to escape!
Suddenly, what seemed like out of nowhere, a man with an arrow swung from a branch and shot both of the wolves in the stomach with a single arrow! The arrow must have been at least two feet long because it pierced both of the wolves at the same exact time. The wolves immediately fell over and were too weak to fight back.
Out of pure happiness, Susie ran to the man and gave him a huge hug! She asked who he was and he told her that he was an old friend of the king.
"You are a true hero!" exclaimed Susie. "I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would meet a better bowman than Robin Hood!"
"You are too kind," said the King's friend. "I know your husband would have done the same thing for me."
"You are a true hero!" exclaimed Susie. "I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would meet a better bowman than Robin Hood!"
"You are too kind," said the King's friend. "I know your husband would have done the same thing for me."
Susie and her hero went back to the castle to tell the king what had happened in the garden. After their return, the king rewarded his friend with a gold crown and let him live in his castle.
The whole town woke up and heard the news of what had happened. The citizens of the tiny town were terrified, but ecstatic to know their Queen was alive and safe!
The king of the tiny town decided to throw a huge party in order to celebrate his friend and the safety of his beloved wife. The king promptly sent out invitations and started planning the biggest party of the year.
Later that evening, the entire town came to the castle and celebrated Susie's rescue together. The castle was decorated with huge balloons and colorful lights. The party had every type of food and dessert that you could imagine.
"What kind of desserts?!" Jenny asked curiously.
Mr. Smith continued:
There were frozen pineapple-pops, chocolate candy canes, blueberry bundt cakes, strawberry swirls, caramel cookies, peanut butter pies and cinnamon cupcakes galore!
The whole town joined together and danced the night away.
"What kind of desserts?!" Jenny asked curiously.
Mr. Smith continued:
There were frozen pineapple-pops, chocolate candy canes, blueberry bundt cakes, strawberry swirls, caramel cookies, peanut butter pies and cinnamon cupcakes galore!
The whole town joined together and danced the night away.
Ever since that day in the garden, the King holds a party once a year to remember the day his loyal friend saved his wife's life.
The King reminds his town to always put others before themselves and to help a friend in a time of trouble.
"I love you, Dad," said Jenny.
"I love you too," said Mr. Smith. "Goodnight, my little Queen."
Author's Note:
My story
was based off the story of "Susanna" that is found in the "apocryphal" Daniel. This story is not included in all English bibles, but was published in the King James Bible listed in the bibliography. The original story
is about a wife of a very wealthy man (Susanna) who was bathing in her garden. One day, two
elders tried to force Susanna to lie with them. Later in the story, the two elders
tried to put the blame on Susanna and make her look guilty in front of the
whole town. Before Susanna was put to death, a man named Daniel stood up for
her and explained that the men were the ones at fault. The two men were
eventually put to death and the Lord found favor in both Daniel and Susanna.
The story was about saving "an innocent life."
After
reading this story, I was inspired to create my own version of Susanna’s story
for children. I wanted my story to be read in a "bedtime story" point
of view. I want children to be able to understand this story in an appropriate
manner and learn to always do the right thing, even when it seems hard.
I decided to make Susanna’s story more relatable to kids by
using wolves as the two elders. I wanted children to understand that these two
elders were not good people and that they were out to get Susanna. I decided to
not give the hero a name because I wanted the story to focus on “doing the
right thing no matter who is watching.” By not giving the hero a name, it can
show children that they do not need to boast about doing good acts. Overall, I
wanted my story to focus on the heart and to show children a beautiful story in
an easy, yet entertaining way.
Bibliography: The King James Bible Online, the book of Daniel, Chapter 13
Omg Matty!! I loved this! You did an INCREDIBLE job of transforming a story from the King James Bible into a fairytale/bedtime story for children. I felt like I was a little girl again, sitting in my bed listening to my mom read me another bedtime story. Susanna is portrayed as such a sweetheart, and I think that it helps readers feel connected to her and want the best for her. I thought Susie's Robin Hood comment to the hero was humorous and made me giggle a little. I also loved your use of imagery and descriptive words in the story. They fit the plot so perfectly and I can completely see / hear you telling me this in person. "Cinnamon cupcakes galore", "beautiful colors of red and orange to light the sky", and "beautiful brown hair and piercing blue eyes" were some of my favorite lines in your story! Loved seeing your personality come out a little through the story. Great job Matty!! :)
ReplyDeleteHey Matty!
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a very creative take on the story from the Bible. I was wondering where the origin of the story stemmed from because I had not read anything like this before. I really liked that you made this into a bedtime story and incorporated more of the fairy tale feeling into it. My niece is eight and would love to read this story. I thought you did a great job keeping the moral of the story while also completely changing the way the story was told. It made for easy reading while also making it fun to read. The characters were adorable! I was really into it and wanted to keep reading to figure out what happened with Susie. I enjoyed her spirit and sweet soul! I look forward to reading more stories like this because they are so original and fun to read. Really good job!
Hi Matty!
ReplyDeleteThis was a wonderful bedtime story! I have to admit, I was surprised once I started reading. I expected it to be an interpretation of The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. However, it was such a pleasant surprise to see this take on a bible story! You did an excellent job of using language that sounded like something out of a fairy tale book that you could actually read it to a child. I loved your character Susie. What a sweet heart! By using her to enhance the original plot line, you succeeded in both expanding the source story and sticking to a powerful moral. I really look forward to coming back and reading more of your portfolio!
Have you ever read the secret garden? That’s why I picked this story to read. I read Secret Garden when I was younger and this story reminds me of it. I really like the layout for your story. I really when stories are told to another character. I don’t know if you’ve considered this yet but maybe in your other stories you can have the kid interrupt. I always loved interruptions to storytelling, particularly when it comes from little kids. You could insert interesting questions or even humorous commentary. Have you seen Princess Bride? That’s the kind of interrupting I always liked. It may be difficult to work in but you should consider it. One thing I have a critique on is that the king is only the king of a town. This is me nitpicking and doesn’t really need to be changed but can anyone really be king of just one town?
ReplyDeleteNice story! I think you did a good job of keeping the lesson "always do the right thing." The way you told the story, as doing the right thing by saving a life. It gives chips that thrill of being a hero, like in the story. From your authors note, you changed up the story a lot. It turned out to be good bedtime story for children. I think the wolf comparison to the elders does a good job of showing they are the bad guys. The side notes of the little girl asking question add to the bedtime theme. I was a little curious when the arrow hit both the wolves at the same exact time. Being a hunter I can't really see that happening. I know it is a bedtime story though. I was left wondering what happened to the wolves? Where they just left there injured? Or did someone end up killing them off? When you mentioned the people were terrified it left me thinking there are more wolves to attack.
ReplyDeleteHi Matty! I was initially drawn to read this story because of the title... my whole storybook is about garden creatures so I wanted to see if in your garden story you would talk about anything that I did. I also was drawn in by the garden image, then in the story I liked how you used vivid descriptions of the garden. Your story was a great fit for a bedtime story, and I was actually so surprised to read in the author's note about all the changes you made. The original version definitely wasn't kid friendly. I'm glad the story turned out in favor of all the good people and that the evil wolves got what was coming to them. Finally, the lessons you taught through the nameless hero, etc were such a great addition. I thought it was funny when the little girl interrupted to get more details about the desserts... that's such a kid thing to do!
ReplyDelete